
The alias, or "borka" as it was originally called, was invented
in 1915 by the Hungarian scientist Oliver Snow. Like most of Snow's inventions,
the alias was met with scorn. It was considered by most to be another worthless
invention by an essentially worthless and eccentric inventor, an invention
destined to be forgotten. How wrong those critics were. The alias is now
used regularly in over 40 countries!
Dr. Snow and his wife, Knockers Malloy, lived quite well from the profits of Snow's only two inventions to ever become successful during his lifetime, ham(1906), and the flern(1995). No one could say, however, that his life was without hardship. In 1912 Dr. Snow fell into a deep depression after the dismal failure of what he thought was his greatest invention ever, music. His depression lasted into the following year. Nineteen-thirteen was the darkest year of his life, blemished by drunkenness, brawling, and arrests for public nudity. In the winter of that year, thinking it would help lift the cloud of gloom surrounding her husband, Knockers Malloy brought home a kitten that she had decided to call Linda. Snow immediately disliked the cat, referring to it as "that prissy bitch", and frequently expressed his desire in his private journal to "murder that (tiny gay kitten) every time I see it go into the bathroom with my wife". It was this daily turmoil and misery that served as a catalyst for an idea, an idea so astounding and surging with power that Snow could hardly express it.
"I am beginning a new experiment.", Snow writes in his journal, "It must be carried out in complete secrecy". The test subject was to be the cat, Linda, but in his journal "Linda" was crossed out, and above it was written "Tiger". Although his wife, in the next room, could not hear the sound of his pencil as he drew a "x" over the cat's name, it was that scratching of lead on paper that still echoes in the hearts and minds of millions today.
In secrecy he would call the cat "Tiger". This was the first recorded instance of the use of the indispensable tool that today we call the alias. As it happened, he eventually came to think of the cat as Tiger, and, astounding as it may be, he began to like, and even love the cat. He also began to see a change in the cat's behavior. It became more aggressive, batting at flies and chasing mice and children.
When it became clear to Snow that the experiment was not going to harm the cat in any way, he told his wife about his secret work. He explained the experiment to Malloy and then related his idea for the next step - he was going to need a human subject. Although initially shocked by the chance he took with precious, precious Linda, she was attracted to the sheer ingenuity of the idea. She volunteered, but Snow refused and taped her to a garbage can. He claimed it was too dangerous and insisted that he would be the test subject. After all, he'd been the first to have a flern implanted, the first to listen to music, the first to wear parachute pants, and the first to taste ham, and though this was far more dangerous than implanting the flern above his kidneys, he would be the first to use an alias. Reluctantly, his wife agreed and began calling him Jack Chance.
Well, we all know the story of Jack Chance and of the transformation of Knockers Malloy, but what of Dr. Oliver Snow? Did he fall into another depression after the commercial failure of the alias? Of course he was disappointed, but Jack Chance didn't give a shit.